


Christmas Exposure

by arrafrost



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Caught, Christmas, Exhibitionism, M/M, Public Sex, Santa Clause, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 10:05:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrafrost/pseuds/arrafrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter comes up with a brilliant plan to punish Wade by having them volunteer as gift wrapping elves. Except it back fires when Wade is voluntold to be Santa Clause.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Exposure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nicknacks22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicknacks22/gifts).



> Secret Santa gift for Nick! Happy Holiday boy!

Peter would love to have the time to contemplate his life choices, the many mistakes he’s made – such as thinking skinny jeans were a good idea and walking into a room full of radioactive spiders – but there wasn’t enough time in the day… or the century. There are too many factors weighing against Peter’s ability to think coherently and make sensible choices that wouldn’t put his life or his public image at risk.

He was only lucky that people did not know Spider-Man’s secret identity to be Peter Parker, not too many people at least. Because it would be an entirely different news article on the front page of the New York Times. Something along the lines of “Spider-Elf Exposes Himself With Santa Clause In Front of Small Child.” Peter knew that headline was too long and even though “Elf and Santa Exhibitionists” wasn’t much better… it was roughly what Peter expected to be in the newspaper on Monday morning.

Dating Wade Wilson… possibly the biggest mistake of his life.

.  
.

Peter was in the kitchen of his shared flat with Harry when he heard the tell tale noises of Wade bustling through the door, kicking off his shoes and having the inability to close the door quietly. With Harry on vacation somewhere in the tropics… or was that last year and they were in Rome this year… Harry was somewhere expensive with his family for the holiday which meant the apartment was Peter’s for the break.

Which also meant he had a significant amount of cooking to do for Christmas because one Wade Wilson was staying with him for the holidays. Their long distance and brief meetings relationship finally having a chance to settle down and enjoy normal and comfortable events that couples did. Such as sitting down to watch a film and eating popcorn while cuddling – Wade would never admit it but he was a clingy type of person and had a strange fondness for chick flicks. Not that Peter minded, it was sweet and romantic and void of the blood shed and criminal acts that acted as the foundation of their relationship.

It had all started with slightly hostile banter, fighting criminals, saving Wade’s ass when monkeys thought he was guilty of crimes – which he was, just not the ones he was being accused of – and Wade using his admiration of Spider-Man to prank him. This escalated into flirtatious banter, make outs in dark alleys and Wade pushing Spider-Man up against the wall of an abandoned warehouse.

Unmasking followed and soon Wade was a presence that happened to show up unexpected in Harry and Peter’s flat. Except it didn’t happen all that often, every couple of weeks if Peter was lucky and the occasional Spidey/Deadpool team up that occurred. Other than that it was texting with a large amount of sexting on Wade’s end, long phone calls that more often than not happened while Deadpool was in the middle of a fight and the few times Peter had allowed the conversation to become phone sex. Video chat was a rarity but it was nice to see Wade’s face every now and then, even if he wasn’t there in person.

It was a tough decision for the two to start dating. After they got past their moral differences and their age differences, two phenomenally large obstacles in the forming of this relationship, and following a long week of hot and heavy start-of-the-relationship sex… the two came set the ground rules of their relationship. It was surprising how compliant Wade was to the rules and how many he offered himself. Peter had thought he’d taken a ridiculous leap when he asked Wade to be his boyfriend but it turned out, Wade wanted to be in a serious relationship to the point where Peter had to tell him that they weren’t getting promise rings because they were cheesy in the worst possible way.

Basic rules involved understanding the distance that had to happen between them. Peter was busy as a full time college student and a full time vigilante in Manhattan while Deadpool was a mercenary who traveled everywhere on Earth and occasionally off planet as well.

They had to promise to text or call each other every day. Texts from Wade were wildfire on Peter’s phone to the point where he had to get a new phone plan to support the activity.

No cheating, as proposed by Wade who ‘doesn’t share his spoils’… making Peter both flattered and uncomfortably objectified. He did agree with his rule, the idea of Wade being with anyone else and the possibilities his travel gave him… it was something that took Peter a long time to adjust to. Despite Wade’s constant reassuring that he was lucky enough Peter found his revolting body attractive, there was little chance anyone else would. Peter disagreed. The scars took a bit to get used to and he understood why others viewed them as unsightly, but beneath them… Wade’s naked body was something that made Peter embarrassingly red in the face and too flustered to form proper sentences.

“Wade did you pick up everything on the shopping list I gave you?” Peter called over his shoulders as he stirred the pot in front of him.

Today was a day of cooking and baking because he wanted to have a proper feast for Christmas Eve and some items to contribute to Aunt May’s Christmas Day supper. The turkey and ham would be saved until closer to the date, as he still had about five days until Christmas, but many things could be cooked now to save him the trouble and frustration of doing it all on the day.

Stew, potatoes and vegetables were being made today to be stored and then he would start on the pies with the supplies Wade brought him from the store.

“What list?” Wade pressed the question against the back of his neck with a tender kiss. Although the way his hands wrapped around Peter’s waist pulling him back to press their hips flush together wasn’t entirely as tender a moment. He was already sporting an erection and he’d just gotten home.

It was a good thing Harry wasn’t going to be home until after the New Year because the amount Wade and Peter had been going at it these days would have been frowned upon. The places as well because sometimes they couldn’t be bothered to make it to the bedroom… the kitchen counter, table, couch, piano were all to near and convenient. As were most of the floors and walls… After months of long distance phone calls and fleeting moments, they couldn’t be blamed for taking advantage of this time together.

“You didn’t buy anything on the list?” Peter growled, resisting the urge to relax into Wade’s embrace and be stolen away for another round of amazingly good sex that Peter didn’t even know was possible to have every night in a row.

“You didn’t give me a list.”

Peter’s brow twitched and he tried to bite back the feeling that they closely resembled a married couple. “I gave you the list this morning, Wade. You said you were running errands, why wouldn’t you have done mine too?”

“Ah, there’s your problem. My errands involved dismemberment, not bacon and eggs, although I could have gone for a good B&E while I was killing those guys. Both the sandwich and illegal kind…”

“Ugh, Wade! How am I going to make pies now?” Peter pulled away, pushing Wade away from him when he turned around. That was he could glare at him full force without… distractions. Even though he was using a good portion of will power to keep his eyes on Wade’s face and not glance at the straining erection in his pants.

“Pies were at stake? Why didn’t you tell me?” Not the reaction Peter had expected, especially since he couldn’t tell how genuine his surprise was. Considering how snarky and sarcastic their usual banter was… it was difficult to imagine Wade was being serious. Then again, Wade seldom joked about food that he wanted to eat.

“I told you I was baking today.” Peter rolled his eyes, not willing to deal with a stupid argument that was making him feel like he’d been married for fifty years and he’d been the one wearing the dress. Instead, he pushed past Wade and grabbed his arm on the way by to drag him back to the door. “Come on, we’re going back to the store… or rather we’re going  _to_ the store because I doubt –  _hope –_  your mission took place in a shopping mall.”

“Actually I was hoping to fuck you into the mattress and have you screaming my name for the next couple hours-” Wade slammed him into the wall, crowding around him with his face buried in his neck. Tongue licking at his pulse before giving it a gentle nip.

Peter bit back a moan and refused to let himself roll his hips into the solid force of Wade’s body. Superpowers were marvelous things because it meant Peter had the ability to push Wade away – and subsequently into the opposite wall hard enough to get the point across.

“Put your shoes on and let’s go.” His voice was too breathless for his liking but he didn’t hesitate slipping his shoes and jacket on and exiting the door first. He couldn’t risk being alone with Wade in that apartment right now.

.  
.

“Peter get a cart.” Wade grumbled as Peter added another random food item to the pile in Wade’s arm. Some of the things were so close to falling that they had to be held in place by his chin.

“Not necessary, almost done.”

“One more item, Peter.” Wade threatened and, as Peter rolled his eyes and moved to give him something else to hold, let his arms drop the entire load onto the floor of the department store.

“For fuck’s sake, Wade! I can’t take you anywhere!” Peter hissed, eyes darting around to see all the people who had stopped their shopping to stare at them.

Wade simply shrugged, unaffected by the observers and turned on his heel. “I’m gonna go grab a cart and some tacos.”

Peter sighed, running his hand through his hair as he watched Wade walk away. He was actually leaving him there with a mess on the floor around him on partially damaged and yet-to-be purchased baking supplies. Good thing he was making the pie crusts himself or they’d be completely crumbled.

He bent down, picking up what he could manage and shoving the rest to the side where he wouldn’t disrupt Christmas traffic. People rushing by with no respect for other humans because of their holiday frenzy. The very reason Peter hadn’t wanted to come to the mall in the first place.

“Hello, sir. Could I trouble you a moment?”

Peter glanced up to see an elf talking to him. Not an actual three foot tall Santa’s elf, an individual of average height dressed in a green elf suit.

“Uh… sure?” Nothing suspicious about charities dressing for the holidays to evoke a charitable spirit out of stingy shoppers. And sure enough, a flier was given to him with a thankful smile.

Peter stared at the flier as the elf carried on with his explanation about what they were doing at the mall this week and how important it was for the children and the spirit of Christmas. The longer the elf talked, the wider Peter’s smile grew and soon he was agreeing to exactly what the elf was asking of him.

When Wade finally returned, with a cart filled with items Peter was going to put back on the shelves in a moments time because no human needed that much hot sauce and taco kits, Peter swatted Wade in the face with the flier.

Wade blinked, grabbing the flier from Peter to scowl at it. His expression grew puzzled when he read the title of the flier, glancing up to question Peter who couldn’t stop the biggest smile from spreading across his face. “Santa’s Little Helpers?”

.  
.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.” Peter grinned, hands working meticulously at the task at hand. He wrapped the paper around the box he’d been given, folding the paper neatly, edges crisp as he taped them in place. A beautiful red bow was the topper to this particular box and it was finished with a small card that the customer would be able to fill out.

Wade was sitting next to him at the table wrapping his own box. It wasn’t as ‘OCD’ as Wade had commented on his wrapping skills earlier, but it wasn’t a total mess like Peter had expected. If anything it had character that the generic and perfectly wrapped present wouldn’t have – that is to say… it looked as though the customer had wrapped the present at home rather than paying someone to do it. Even if it was for charity, paying for gift wrapping always did have the detachment from personally wrapping presents.

The icing on the cake, however, was seeing Wade Wilson dressed up as an elf. Fake pointed ears and all – even if they were made of felt stitched on the side of the hat.

“Hey little workers!” Their volunteer coordinator, a peppy girl with enough Christmas spirit to convert a village of atheists, skipped up behind them to peer over their shoulders. Wade gritted his teeth into the forced smile he’d been wearing for the past hour and focused on another present to wrap.

Peter turned to greet her, genuine smile – that was a tad bit sadistic from the twisted punishment he was giving his boyfriend – bright on his lips. “Hey Stephanie!”

“Elves, I have a question I need to ask you.” She addressed the entire line up of about ten people – who were all busy wrapping presents. It was astonishing how busy people were and how lazy they were about wrapping their own gifts. Oh well, just meant more donations for charity.

“Our Santa from just over there,” she pointed to the small sliver of fake North Pole where the mall Santa had been sitting in his sleigh for the past few days – as though the volunteers hadn’t been privy to that sight since they started wrapping presents. Jolly Old Saint Nick was no where to be seen, however, and a line of children were still waiting at the gate where a charming elf was keeping them at bay. “Poor thing came down with a bad case of food poisoning and we need some delightfully spirited Santa to take his place. Right now. This second if it could be possible. Any volunteers?”

It was as though the line of volunteers all rose their eyebrows at the same time. The line of completely female volunteers… except for Bob, Wade and Peter.

Immediately Bob’s hand shot up.

Stephanie’s near permanent smile almost faltered as she shook her head. “I’m sorry Bob…”

“It’s George, actually.”

“I believe,” she continued, barely acknowledging the fact that Bob had corrected his name. He’d been called Bob all evening, he may as well accept his fate. “Mr. Wilson, I believe you’re the only one here that could fit into the suit. No offense to you either, Peter. But you’re a tiny fellow and Wade – with the help of some stuffing – will fill the suit out quite nicely.”

“No.”

“Wade-”

“Peter. You’ve got me dressed as an elf wrapping presents and you returned my supply of hot sauce. I’ve been punished enough.”

Peter sighed, eyes softening because he was right. Wade had served his sentence, there was no way he could force him to be Santa but… Peter leaned forward and whispered words that he would probably regret into Wade’s ear. When he pulled away, Wade’s eyes were brighter than the Christmas lights on Santa’s North Pole fence.

“For the sake of the children, I will be Sandy Claws!” He shot up out of the chair, tearing his elf hat off and throwing it on the table. Stephanie appeared startled but happy nonetheless as she carted Wade off. Peter shook his head, rolling his eyes as he continued to wrap presents with the others.

.  
.

“Sweet merciful chimichangas is it over?” Wade groaned when Peter, who had volunteered to be the greeting elf for the remainder of the evening, walked up to Santa’s sleigh.

“That’s the last of them.” Peter smiled, stretching as he leaned against the sleigh where Wade had all but collapsed from exhaustion inside it. Except now that he’d been given the all clear, Wade was hauling the pillows out from his Santa costume and mumbling about how hot he was. Which, Peter wasn’t going to argue, even if he was wearing a fake white beard. “They’re going to lock down the mall in ten minutes so we should-”

“What about our deal?”

“What? Wade!” Peter didn’t have much time to question as he was being pulled into the sleigh and deposited directly on Wade’s lap.

“You promised me.”

Realization hit Peter like a ton of bricks and his cheeks had never flushed quicker in his entire lips. His eyes skittered around the empty space of the dark mall around them. Shops closed and no one in sight but that didn’t make Peter any less nervous and embarrassed. “No! I-I didn’t mean…  _here._ ”

Wade’s brow quirked in the way Peter had come to learn as a precursor to his smooth, sexy voice. The deep, husk voice that melted Peter’s resolve and turned him into pliable putty.

“We’re already in costume and we’ve got this nice comfy sleigh… not going to get a better setting than this.” He all but purred in Peter’s ear, making the poor boy’s body tremble in his lap.

“Then… then we’ll decorate the flat. I’ll rent a sleigh on Harry’s credit card or  _something_! Jesus fuck-”

Wade’s hand rested high on Peter’s thigh, fingers digging in – not enough to hurt but enough to Peter to feel him massaging the sensitive area of his inner thigh, so close to his growing erection.

“Peter.” And that, that was definitely a purr this time. Cooing that was proceeded by a tongue pressing flat on his ear. Teeth nipping at the lope, tugging at just the right force to make Peter clench his jaw to keep from verbally expressing his desire. His lips moved lower, kissing the spot behind his ear that had Peter writhing in his lap, down to his neck to leave sharp bites that wouldn’t stay with Peter for longer than a day. They had rules, considering it was Christmas and there were impressions to be made – since Peter was finally going to introduce Wade to Aunt May.

Right now, though, Wade wanted to see his marks on Peter and Peter didn’t mind one bit. He had doubts, hesitations, and the strong desire to run away from their current location but biting was something he would never deny Wade. It was a mutual turn on that they’d discovered long ago.

“Wade…” Peter groaned when Wade’s hand caressed higher up his thigh, fingers dancing on the outline of his straining cock.

“Tell me, Peter.” Wade breath was warm and obscene on his skin. “Have you been nice, or naughty?”

A filthy noise spilled from Peter’s lips. Wade’s hand closing over his cock timed perfectly with that dirty sentence and his tongue licking a stripe up Peter’s neck had that effect.

“S-shit…”

“Not an answer is it, Petey? Naughty-” his fingers were firm against his cock as he stroked him through the fabric of the elf suit- “or nice?” All at once, Peter felt cold and empty. Wade had retracted his hand and leaned back in the sleigh. The only contact between them now was from where Peter was sitting on top of him.

Peter whined at the lack of contact, his body tilting in to where Wade had previously been but he didn’t lean into Wade all the way. He had some resistance left, not much, but some.

“Wade… please.” His voice had gotten to that point where he didn’t recognize himself. Didn’t know that he could sound that lustful and desperate, but he did. “Let’s… go home and do this there.”

Wade didn’t move. He was a stationary figure beneath Peter’s shaking body. He hadn’t known that he could worked up so fast… the last time he’d starting shaking this hard during sex was when Wade had pushed him against the wall in the alleyway off the main street. There was a risk of anyone passing by and seeing Spider-Man pinned by a masked mercenary and loving every minute of it.

This was the same. Only it wasn’t. Like the warehouse, this place was abandoned right now. No one would be coming by because everyone was locking up. If they got locked in, they were quite capable of letting themselves out without setting any alarms off. Peter’s eyes met Wade’s waiting, expectant gaze. It was Peter’s choice but Wade wasn’t giving him an option.  _Fuck it_.

Peter’s hands flung forward to grip the Santa suit and pull Wade up into a sudden, bruising kiss that had his head spinning within seconds. With as much force Peter put into the kiss, Wade was taking control before he could protest… not that he wanted to. He loved the feel of Wade’s determined, almost predatory sort of kisses. The kind that had Peter moaning shameless into as Wade’s tongue shoved past his lips. It was messy, hasty and filthy the way their mouths moved together with Wade’s tongue trying to touch every part of Peter’s mouth at once.

A part of Peter was thankful they were wearing the costumes because of how easy they were to access. Wade pulled down the loose fitting pants along with his boxers, hand ghosting over his cock for a few slow tugs that had Peter whimpering above him before he lowered his own trousers. The buckle was a bit of a hassle but soon Peter found himself with Wade’s cock lined up at his entrance.

“Wait-”

“You’re plenty loose from this morning. You’ve been open and ready for me all week Peter.” Wade bit out the answer, hips bouncing up with frustration because they both wanted nothing more than Wade to be buried deep inside him but Peter had priorities. Such as how much pain he was going to be enduring for the sake of roleplaying sex that had turned more into costume sex in a public replica of what they had intended to roleplay. Even though Peter hadn’t planned on roleplaying an elf… technicalities.

“Already lubed up.” Wade answered the pending question on Peter’s tongue. “Stashed some in the costume.”

Peter’s eyes widened but he didn’t have time to scold Wade, he was too busy keeping himself from screaming as Wade pushed into him in one hard thrust. Peter had to grip his shoulder as he cried from pain, pleasure, surprise, anger… several emotions at once that only Wade Wilson could make him feel at a time like this. The fucker had planned this… from the very moment Peter whispered into his ear.

Wade didn’t give Peter time to adjust, he was lifting Peter off his lap before pulling him back down. Broken moans and gasps caught in Peter’s throat as Wade thrust upward into him with abandon, lost in the heat of the moment, in their illegal act that thrilled Peter to his core, although he’d never admit it.

Fingers dug into Wade’s shoulder, pleading with him to slow down and the mercenary complied as Peter adjusted himself on Wade’s lap. He sat up on his knees, set on either side of Wade’s thighs to straddle his waist, and buried his face against Wade’s neck as he curved his back at just the right angle to make the slow rocking of his hips easier on them both.

Wade matched his pace until it was painfully slow and Peter’s warm lips on his throat drove him to grip Peter’s hips and pull him down into the brutal pace he’d set earlier. Only now it was easier and equally as pleasurable for Peter who couldn’t help but moan into the fabric of Wade’s Santa suit. The material served to muffle the debauched noises that Wade could hear clearly. Mixed up between the moans and the screams of pleasure were beautifully lewd tidbits for Wade’s ears only. Begging and pleading that boosted Wade’s ego and increased his stamina as he pounds into Peter’s body.

Peter comes quickly, pulsing around Wade’s hot cock inside him and he wails into the fabric. His entire body shakes as he streaks the costume with his come, hips rocking involuntarily. The sight of Peter orgasming like this, the feel of him tight around him, swells in the pit of Wade’s stomach. It only takes a few more rough, off rhythm thrusts before Wade is coming inside Peter, filling him with his come.

Peter collapses against Wade’s chest, clinging to him as he attempts to regulate his breath but it’s useless. They’re both breathing heavily, so sated and exhausted that they can barely move themselves. No concern for Wade’s limp cock still inside Peter’s body or the come that’s pooling around his hips.

“My god…” Peter huffs, limbs sore and aching. His mind was blown, short-circuited to the point where he desperately wanted to pass out despite the pressing knowledge that they were in the mall.

“Fuck yeah… we need to do this more often.” Wade grinned, kissing the side of Peter’s head, his hair damp on his ravaged lips.

A throat, that belonged to neither of them, was cleared and the two froze in position, not that they had the energy to jump in shock at the noise. Cautiously, their heads turned toward the noise to find Bob. Who was holding one hand over one eye and one hand over one ear. Wasn't all that effective. Now was the time for Peter to shriek in terror and haul up one of the discarded pillows to cover his slightly exposed lower half.

“Bob? What are you doing here?” Wade yelled, not bothering to cover himself when Peter was already taking care of that.

“I-I-I…” He didn’t bother correcting the name, not that his embarrassed stutter would allow it. “Forgot something by the table and-"

“Well what are you waiting for Bob? Go get it!” Wade urged the poor man on when he froze up, as though everything in him was malfunctioning.

Peter practically sobbed into Wade’s shoulder as Bob lowered both hands and scampered off to get whatever it was he forgot. He was going to kill him… he was going to string Wade up by his ankles and deny him from any sexual encounters for the rest of the holiday.

It wasn’t long before Bob was back, standing in front of them, holding a bag. Staring at them expectantly.

“You can go! Not gonna tell you twice, Bob!”

Bob got the threat and immediately hurried off, hopefully not to return with security but it wasn’t something Peter was going to risk. He was clambering off Wade as fast as his tired limbs would allow it, much to the protests of his exhibitionist boyfriend.

“I hate you so much.” Peter shook his head, temper rising as he fixed himself back up. He didn’t even have to look at the costumes to know he’d have to dry clean them before returning them.

“You’ve never come harder.” Wade grinned, not missing a beat as he stood up, cock still messy and exposed, not the least bit embarrassed. A blush crept into Peter’s cheek and he averted his eyes as Wade stepped out of the sleigh and finally began putting his clothes in order.

“Not denying it are you?” He breathed against the back of Peter’s neck, sending chills down his spine and Wade was right. He couldn’t deny how turned on he’d been, how hot being in a public forum made him. Dating Wade Wilson was a terrible influence on him.

“We’ll do it somewhere less public next time.” Wade whispered before he strutted off to pick up their groceries from behind the sleigh where they had asked to store them.

Peter was glad he was going to spend the entire day tomorrow baking. That meant less time to act on the indecent thoughts forming in his mind… and more chance of him receiving presents this Christmas instead of the lump of coal he definitely deserved.

“Come on, Spidey. Round two at your place. Or on the way…” All of Peter’s willpower dissolved under that suggestive tone and the way Wade’s hand caressed down the small of his back when he walked by him. Interestingly naughty versions of revenge that involved a fair amount of teasing rose in Peter’s mind as he followed the mercenary out of the building through what was probably not the front exit. Tonight was not earning him the best image on Santa’s list but a car wasn’t technically public… maybe he’d get a couple presents after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://arrafrost.tumblr.com/)


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